9 Important Stages That All Successful Couples Go Through

Wondering what relationship stage you’re in right now? Here are the 9 relationship stages that all couples go through, no matter how the love starts. By Elizabeth Arthur

Relationships are unique. And one experience of love is never ever the same. You may have been in several relationships in your life, and all of them may have been very different from the earlier one. But there are a few traits about every single relationship that binds all relationships along a similar path.

Relationship stages in your love life

Relationships, just like life, have their own stages. It starts off with infatuation and goes through several stages along the way. And these stages are like tests that check your compatibility with each other. Go wrong anywhere along the way, and your relationship will take the brunt of the fall. Have you ever met a couple who seemed like they were going to stay together forever, but ended up breaking up a few years later? Perhaps, in all probability, they went wrong in one of these stages of the relationship.

The 9 important stages that all couples experience

Are you in a new relationship? Or are you in a seasoned relationship with someone you've been with for several years? It doesn't matter how long your relationship has lasted, because all the relationships will fit snugly in one of these relationship stages. Find your own relationship stage here, and it’ll definitely help you understand your own love life better.

Stage 1: The infatuation stage:

This is the first stage in every relationship. It almost always starts with an intense attraction and an uncontrollable urge to be with each other. Both of you may be intensely sexually attracted to each other, or both of you may just love the cuddles and each other’s company. In this stage, both of you overlook any flaws of each other and only focus on the good sides.

Stage 2: The understanding stage:

In this stage, both of you start getting to know each other better. You have long conversations with your partner that stretches late into the night, and everything about your partner interests and fascinates you. You talk about each other’s families, exes, likes and dislikes and other innocent secrets, and life seems so beautiful and romantic.

Stage 3: The stage of disturbances:

This stage usually forces its way into a happy romance after a few months of blissful courting. Do you remember the first fight or angry disagreement you and your partner had? For the first time ever in the relationship, both of you confront each other over a conflict, even though it’s sorted out quickly.

Stage 4: The opinion maker:

In this stage, both of you create opinions about each other. As the months pass by, both of you know what to expect from each other, and you make an assumption about your partner’s commitment towards the relationship. When these opinions and expectations about your partner differ now and then in real life, it can either leave you ecstatic or depressed. You don’t expect your man to buy you flowers, but he does. You feel ecstatic. At the same time, you expect him to pick you up from the airport on time. But he arrives an hour later because he forgot all about picking you up. It depresses you.

Stage 5: The moulding stage:

You have your own expectations from an ideal partner. And in this stage, both of you try hard to mould each other to fit your own wants in a perfect partner. This stage is a lot about give and take, and both partners constantly try to subtly convince each other to change their behavior towards the relationship. This is a power struggle, and one that can end the relationship if both partners are domineering.

Stage 6: The happy stage:

If the relationship survives past the moulding stage, both of you may have changed equally for each other and understood each other’s expectations. In this stage, the relationship cruises along perfectly and both of you may be blissfully happy with each other. Almost always, this is the stage when both of you feel like a perfect match. You may even decide to get engaged or get married. This happy stage is also the stage of attachment when both of you truly feel connected to each other and love each other intensely.

Stage 7: The stage of doubts:

It’s been several years since both of you have been in a relationship with each other. And somewhere along the way, doubts start to creep in. The intensity of the doubts depend on how happy both of you are in the relationship. You start to think of your past relationships, your exes, and other prospective partners. You tie your happiness in life with your relationship. If you’re unhappy, you blame it on the relationship. In this stage, you start comparing your relationship with other couples and other relationships. Would your relationship survive this stage? It definitely could, as long as your relationship isn't monotonous and repetitive.

Stage 8: The sexual exploration or bust stage:

This is the stage when your sex life starts to play a pivotal role. Either your sex drives may change or one of you may get disinterested in sex. In this stage, you either give up on passionate sex or constantly look for ways to make sex more exciting. If sexual interests start differing here, one of you may end up having an affair. But on the other hand, if you find creative ways to make sex more exciting, your relationship could get better and bring both of you a lot closer.

Stage 9: The stage of complete trust:

This is the happy stage when both of you love each other and trust each other completely. But at the same time, the unbreakable trust in each other could also turn into taking each other for granted. In this stage, both of you know the direction of the relationship and both of you are completely happy with each other and find it easy to predict each other’s behavior and decisions. But with stability in love comes the urge to take each other for granted.

As pleasant as this final stage of love may be, it’s still no excuse to take each other lightly or stop appreciating each other, because love is an intense emotion that can be rekindled by anyone else at any time if you fail to express your romance to your lover.

If you’re in a relationship for a while, you may have experienced all or most of these relationship stages. And if you’re still in a young love, don’t let the dark side of these relationship stages scare you.

Instead, look at these 9 relationship stages as stepping stones into a better future, one that’s filled with a lot of love and happiness, just as long as both of you remember to keep love alive all the time.

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Are You More than Friends or Just Friends?

At times, without really realizing it ourselves, we get closer and closer with a friend and before we know it, we’ve crossed the line of friendship into love. So are you more than friends or just friends? Find out.

Ever feel like both of you are more than just friends?

Or do the people that both of you meet always assume that both of you are more than friends?

Do you want to know if you’re more than friends or just friends, or are you just confused completely and wondering where your relationship with a special friend is heading?

Use these pointers to lead the way into understanding the real status of your relationship.

So are you more than friends?

Sometimes, two friends can have so many happy things in common that a simple friendship could turn into something a lot more complex over time.

A great friend is a great companion, but a great lover makes a better companion. And who’s to fight that logic? After all, it’s the law of love.

If you’re perfect for each other, both of you will inevitably fall in love with each other, just as long as the friendship is great and there’s that perfect portion of secret attraction that bubbles under the surface.

So are you more than friends? Use these ten friend-to-lover facts to find out.

Both of you call each other every day

It may start of as an occasional call to keep in touch or exchange a bit of gossip. But over time, the calls get more frequent and last longer, and usually stretches late into the night. Soon enough, both of you can’t imagine going to bed without a long happy conversation ending with sweet dreams and dream-about-me conversations. Ever been there? Most good friends who are attracted to each other have.

Sharing secrets and opinions

Lovers finish each other’s sentences. Friends who are turning into lovers share their secrets and opinions. It’s exciting to talk about each other’s secrets and little dirty details that no one else knows about. So does your friend know you sleep in the nude? Or did you find out that your friend was wearing black underwear during last night’s long phone conversation? Friends who are attracted to each other can’t help flirting with each other, and they get pretty excited to share intimate secrets with each other. 

Overprotective about each other

Friends who are on the verge of going to more than friends are very protective of each other. Do you ask your friend to call you and let you know once they’ve reached home, or do either of you try to help the other person out of a sticky situation all the time?

Good friends help each other now and then or when asked, but friends who are more than friends try to be there for each other all the time, whether it’s buying new clothes, working on a pet project or picking a date.

New dates and jealousy

Is your friend very attractive? Of course, they are. Then chances are, they’re going to be getting a lot of attention from the opposite sex. And at times, your friend may be very excited to go out on a date with someone they’ve liked for a long time.

Do you get irritated if your friend goes out on a date with someone they like, or even talks about their date excitedly? Or does your stomach churn with anger if your friend makes out with someone on a date? If you find yourself getting annoyed with your friend when they have a good time with someone else, there’s a good chance you’re more than friends, or perhaps, overly possessive.

Spending weekends and holidays together

Groups of friend meet up in the evenings or during the weekends. When you meet your special friend, is it mostly just the both of you or are there other friends too? Weekends and holidays are a time of leisure and happy moments. If both of you meet up and spend a lot of time with each other, it’s obvious that both of you love spending time with each other and being with each other. Now if that’s not happy budding romance, what is?

Go out on dates with each other

Now, of course, you don’t call these *dates* when you’re just friends. But you know what we mean here, don’t you? Do both of you go out a lot, just the two of you? If there’s a new movie in town or a new restaurant, does the first thought that pops into your head have your friend and you in it? Attractive friends who *date* each other often don’t do it because there’s no one else to go out with, they do it because they love sharing new experiences with each other. Ahem… definitely more than friends here. 

Give each other exclusive pet names

Do you and your friend have an exclusive pet name for each other? Pet names are given by people only when they feel an overwhelming surge of affection for each other. Pet names are rather personal and very affectionate. Friends don’t give each other pet names, friends who love each other do. [

Extremely loyal to each other

Do you stand up for your friend no matter what? Or can both of you rely on each other for help or advice even if it’s the middle of the night? Friends trust each other, but there’s always a hint of uncertainty even in the best of friends.

On the other hand, when you’re in love, you expect your partner to be completely loyal to you and stand by you no matter what. When you’re in love, both of you try your best to be loyal to each other, and be there in each other’s time of need. And that’s one of the biggest reasons behind why love can also hurt so much, especially when there’s a breach in trust and loyalty.

So are both of you extremely loyal to each other? There’s a great chance that you’re both more than friends who also love each other a lot. 

A lot of petting and cuddling

This is one of the biggest signs that you’re more than friends. Do you spend most of your time holding hands or resting a head on each other’s shoulders? Interlocking of arms and occasional cheek kisses don’t really go well in a friendship. If you love cuddling up with your friend, you can’t really date someone else when you have your friend around. It would devastate your new date to see you and your friend cozying up.

And seriously, why would you go cuddling up with a *friend* in the first place? Do friends even do that or do more-than-friends do that?

You want to kiss your friend

This can be a passing thought, but if it’s crossed your mind every time your friend cuddles up with you, seriously, you’re definitely more than friends. Friends don’t care about kissing each other or making out with each other. Nor do they make stupid pacts like “let’s get married to each other if we don’t find anyone else by the time we’re thirty”.

The fact that you’re considering your friend as a date potential definitely shows that you can see your friend as more than just a friend. And if you’re indulging in all the above signs, you’re both definitely more than just friends. 

You’re more than friends, now what?

Now here’s the tricky part. Just because you’re both more than friends doesn’t really mean it’s heading towards true love and both of you will get married soon. It could get there, but all these emotions could also be one-sided and turn out to be limerenceor even lust.

In several cases, you may not really love a friend, but you may be curious to know how it could feel to go out with a friend with whom you’re quite close to. If these signs seem mutual, then you’re definitely on the happy path of more than friends. If not, ask yourself if you really want to be more than friends, or would you be happier being just friends without doing anything about it.

If you want to take it from a friendship to something more intimate, say something like “you know, I wonder why WE haven’t dated each other” to your friend, and they’ll know exactly what you mean. But want a foolproof way to ask a friend out?

Use these ten steps to find out whether you’re both more than friends or just friends. And if you do know you’re more than friends, do something about it!

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Break Up Sex and 10 Circumstances where it Works

So you’ve broken up… but can you have sex one last time before saying goodbye? Here are 10 scenarios where break up sex is completely acceptable! By Christopher Villa

If you were to ever ask your friend if break up sex is a good idea, chances are, they’ll jump down your throat and tell you that you’re mad for even thinking it!

But is that really such a bad idea?

Do all couples just break up in the heat of the moment and walk away from each other, never ever wishing they could have shared a moment of intimacy one last time, for old time’s sake?

Is something wrong with you for even thinking it?

Really, why on earth is breakup sex bad?

Sometimes, break up sex just happens out of the blue.

You don’t plan to have it, you don’t think it, you’re sitting together one moment and you break up.

And before both of you know it, you’re in bed having the wildest sex of your relationship!

What is break up sex?

Break up sex is the infamous last round of sex you have with a lover after both of you decide to call off the relationship and break up.

Most couples don’t do it *probably because they’re not in the right place to do it!

But have you ever kissed a lover one last time before saying goodbye?

Chances are, that last goodbye kiss that’s so full of passion, hunger and love felt really good, didn’t it?

Break up sex isn’t all bad. But are you emotionally mature to differentiate break up sex from make up sex? That makes all the difference! 

The bad side of break up sex

Before I get to talking about the good side of break up sex, you really need to understand the complications it could bring into your break up. And once you know them, you need to ask yourself if you’re ready to jump into bed one last time to share a few moments *or hours* of passionate sex with each other.

The most confusing part about break up sex is the fact that it will always make you wonder if both of you should just get back together. The break up sex feels so good, and it’s so overwhelming and intense.

The thought that it’s the last time you’re doing it with this person can leave you pretty emotional. It’s like knowing that it’s your last day on earth together, and somehow, when you wake up the next morning, things would never ever be the same again.

Break up sex brings all the emotions of your relationship and squeezes it into a few hours where both of you make love to each other one last time. Can you really handle all that emotional outburst? 

You may feel worse while having break up sex

You may cry because you feel so intensely in love. You may dig your nails deep into your lover’s back and make them bleed because you want to hurt them. You may bite harder than ever because you want to leave a love bite that scars them for life. You may feel hurt and betrayed because they’re leaving you forever. And you may feel used because you’re having sex with someone who will not love you once they orgasm!

And that’s not it, if you’re not emotionally prepared to let your lover go, it may even delay the healing process. If you do end up having break up sex with your lover, you need to remember that this isn’t a romantic reconciliation. It’s all about the relationship going down in a blaze of glory!

The good side of break up sex

There’s a lot of bad in break up sex, but it’s not all bad. Every relationship is different, and every lover wants to end things in a different way. Let’s look at a hypothetical situation to see the good side of break up sex.

If a very good friend of yours dies in the middle of the night and you never got to say goodbye, how would you feel? Would you always wonder how it would have been if you could have 24 hours more to spend with them?

A romantic relationship thrives on two aspects, emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy. And if you had to say goodbye to your lover forever, what better way to say it and get closure than by experiencing emotional and sexual intimacy, and moving on forever, having said goodbye to each other one last time, as lovers? 

10 scenarios where break up sex works like a charm!

If you’re contemplating about having break up sex with your lover or an ex that you’ve broken up with a few days or weeks ago, take a look at these 10 scenarios where it’s acceptable to have break up sex. And if you find yourself in any of these 10 circumstances, it may not be such a bad idea to end it all with one final passionate goodbye!

#1 You want closure. Both of you have broken up a few days or weeks ago, but somehow, it just feels like it all happened so abruptly. Angry break ups can be hasty at times, and even if both of you acknowledge the fact that it’s over for good, there are times when it can feel like it all happened too fast.

If you’re ready to move on, but just need closure because your relationship feels like unfinished business, perhaps, it won’t be such a bad idea to meet up at your place for a last happy conversation and break up sex! 

#2 The break up is mutual. You and your partner don’t see the relationship going anywhere, and have decided to call it quits on mutual understanding. There’s no hate or misery here. You may feel sad about breaking up, but you know there’s no other way to go. Both your lives may be heading in different directions or there may be nothing in common anymore, and it’s easier to just part ways than live in denial.

#3 You don’t want to stay friends. Both of you have decided to break up, but both of you still have feelings for each other. You may end up making out or having break up sex, because there’s so much love and hate in the air. If one of you still has feelings for the other person, you can have break up sex as long as both of you delete each other from your lives. After all, staying in touch with each other would just lead to an awkward friends-with-benefits relationship. 

#4 The love has just faded away. You live together or meet up all the time. But both of you feel like good friends and not passionate lovers. You may love each other deeply, but there’s just no spark in the romance anymore. And one or both of you want more out of love, especially the passion and sexual excitement of a real romance.

#5 Both of you have found other lovers. Both of you are dating each other, but are having emotional affairs or real affairs with other people *this is more common than you think!* But if only one of you are having an affair or you catch your partner cheating on you, your break up sex would just turn into a confusing love triangle because you’d still be in love with this person and would be using sex to get your ex back instead of getting over them! 

#6 Long distance relationship breakup. Long distance relationships are very hard to hold on to. It needs a lot of effort, trust, assurances, and occasional meetings to keep it alive. But if a few weeks turn into several months or years, and there’s no surety that both of you would ever meet up again, it’s better to meet one final time, have break up sex and end the relationship for good instead of leading two separate lives that are full of bitterness and mistrust. 

#7 There’s no heartbreak. Both of you have drifted away and have different priorities in life, and as hard as both of you have tried to hold the relationship together, the relationship just seems to be inching closer to failure. If your relationship has reached the point where you and your partner don’t feel bad about separating, and instead are actually looking forward to a separation, break up sex may at least bring forth a few tender of moments of love before calling it quits.

#8 You’re not emotionally manipulated into it. If you want to have break up sex, do it because you want to do it. Don’t let your lover manipulate you into it with their seductive charm. Break ups hurt, and it’s easy for those last hugs to turn to passionate kisses, which may turn into something a lot more sexual.

Break up sex won’t hurt you as long as you realize what you’re getting into, a final show of affection before the curtains go down. But if you aren’t ready for it, or if things happen too quickly, stop your partner and pause for a while to make up your mind first. 

#9 The circumstances are forcing both of you into a breakup. This happens all the time. You’re in a happy relationship, but external circumstances push both of you apart. It could be a job in another state or country, or some other life altering circumstance. And both of you understand that it’s easier to part ways than try to make the relationship work through the tough odds.

#10 It just happens. You don’t expect it and you don’t plan it, but one thing just leads to another. If you ever find yourself in a situation like this, don’t pull your hair out or hate yourself for it. Perhaps, it was just an emotional outburst that was welling up inside of you. But now that it’s over and you’ve had break up sex, just try to remember that the relationship’s over and the right thing to do is stay away from each other.

Should you have breakup sex one last time before saying goodbye?

If you think he or she is the one, you’ll feel really bad for letting them slip through your hands, and possibly into the hands of someone else. So if you do have break up sex, do it only if you’re completely ready to let go of them.

Most people misunderstand the idea of break up sex and use it to manipulate their lover into staying back in the relationship by begging them or pleading with them. But you have to remember that you can’t hold someone back or force them to love you if they choose not to. 

Break up sex is a great way to say goodbye if you’re emotionally mature and see it for what it is, without any expectations from it. But if you see it any other way, break up sex may leave you feeling more miserable than ever!

So do you think you have what it takes to have break up sex? Would you ever have break up sex with a lover? After all, it’s not something many people can experience and walk away without a scar!

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Reasons Why Loving Someone Too Much Kills the Love

an you ever love someone too much? As exciting as a new relationship can be, smothering a lover with your affection will do more damage than good!

Contrary to love stories, chick flicks and epic poems, there is such a thing as loving someone too much. If you do not know when to stop smothering someone, you run the risk of pushing your newfound love away.

Many people are addicted to loving too much and smothering a partner without even realizing it. And while they do this, they ignore all the warning signs, and are completely taken off guard when their partner leaves them.

You need to remember that as exciting as being in a new relationship is, you have to watch your step. Although there is nothing wrong with showering your partner with love, there is a fine line between being attentive and smothering.

Do not be blinded by love and learn to pay attention to the signals. When you constantly cross the line of your partner’s tolerance and annoyance, your partner will probably display telltale signs that enough is enough, and that they need you to back away.

Some of these signs include, but are not limited to, pulling disappearing acts on you, making excuses for breaking dates, and as a last resort, breaking up with you!

Why loving someone too much pushes them away

Smothering someone with love does not prove that you love them. Rather, it displays signs of insecurity and selfishness. There is nothing wrong with showering your significant other with your undying love and attention, but crossing that fine line and traversing into the region of smothering is easier than you think.

Many say that the reason they smother their loved ones is because they are afraid of losing them. But almost always, the truth is, the more you suffocate them with love and attention, the further away you are pushing them.

When you really think about it, loving someone does not mean you have to breathe down their necks and keep tabs on them every minute of every day. Love is meant to be generous and trustworthy. If you cannot offer your new love these fundamentals, then you are not ready to be in a relationship. 

5 reasons why loving someone too much kills the love

Loving someone is wanting the best for them, even if it means you are not getting what you want. Here are five big reasons why too much smothering will push your new love away.

#1 No one wants to lose their freedom

Wing clipping is the act of trimming a bird’s flight feathers so that it is no longer able to fly. Do not do this to the person you love. When you clip their wings, you are forcing them to be tethered to you. By smothering them with too much affection, you are taking away their freedom. This means that they are unable to make decisions without having you burning holes into the back of their head.

By smothering your partner, you are completely disregarding what they want for themselves. You have to give your loved one the chance to be free, even after you are married. This does not mean turning a blind eye to extramarital affairs. It simply means letting them make decisions without the fear of having you coming down hard on them.

Do not place the person you love in a gilded cage because no matter how wonderful it is, it is an inescapable prison that no person should have to live in. Never clip your new love’s wings as nothing good will come out of it. Let them have their freedom and if you are really meant to be, you will be together no matter what.

#2 Stunt the relationship’s growth

Smothering someone will stunt, not just the relationship’s growth, but your partner’s growth as well. This is true when it comes to dating someone new, especially if both of you are young. You must give yourself and your partner the chance to be two separate individuals. You have to also give the other person sufficient time and space to accept you into their lives, no matter how much you love each other.

Loving someone means respecting their needs and desires and not forcing your way of life onto another person. Unless your partner is ready to fully accept you into his or her life and change their habits to make room for yours, you cannot break down the door and invite yourself in. Respect your partner’s individuality and do not stunt his or her growth. You have to respect your partner’s wishes and desires and let the relationship healthily grow on its own.

If you smother your new love with something they did not ask for, you will undoubtedly come off as needy and greedy and you can bet your bottom dollar that you will be single again in no time at all.

Building the perfect relationship takes time and you have to remember that if you rush things and try to take control of your partner, you will never get the relationship you crave for, as it will forever be stunted. 

#3 Stifle their independence

You will not give your significant other the important chance to be who they are if you smother them with too much attention. Decisions that they make have to involve you, whether they want to or not. From simple things such as when to hop into the shower, to what they want to have for dinner, to deciding whether to make a career move to another country, you snatch away your partner’s chance of being independent when you are constantly in their face.

The last thing that you want to do is to oppress the person you love. You have to give them the independence that every human being needs to make their own decisions and grow into the person they were meant to be. If you try to limit your new love’s ability to make choices, it is only a matter of time before they start realizing that their entire life is a prison and they will do all that they can to break free.

There is nothing wrong with sharing your time with someone else and being a part of life changing decision-making processes. However, there is a difference between forcing yourself onto your new love and giving them the chance to invite you in. Do not stifle your new love’s independence as they will go running for the hills.

#4 Familiarity breeds contempt

Familiarity breeds contempt, and as many couples will tell you, boredom as well. Everyone needs their space. Even old married couples appreciate spending some time away from each other. Absence certainly makes the heart grow fonder as it gives your partner the chance to miss you. 

Most of the time, people tend to appreciate what they have when they are away from it, and relationships are no different. If you smother your loved one with too much attention and neglect to give them the much needed space and time apart from you, you will inevitably invite in contempt and a sense of boredom. This does not mean that long-term romances are boring. It simply means that the two parties have figured out how to balance peaceful space and love without smothering each other.

If you are with someone new, you will do well to remember that being in a relationship is a delicate balancing act that takes time and effort to master. Give your new love some space and let him have his boys’ night out or her night out with the girls, without the need to come down hard on your partner. Remember that familiarity breeds contempt, so always give each other space and time for friends and hobbies outside of the relationship.

#5 It displays desperation

When you smother a new love, you will undoubtedly come off as being needy and desperate, even if you are not. Always remember that no one wants to be in a relationship with someone who cannot stand on their own two feet. You have to take it upon yourself to be independent and prove to not just your new love, but to yourself that you can cope with the responsibility of being in an adult relationship. 

Love demands trust and if you cannot give your partner space without having to play 20 questions, you are displaying signs of being insecure. Not just that, you new love will think that you are not able to deal with being alone and that you are terrified of losing them.

No one wants to be with someone who comes off as being crazy and needy, so be careful not to smother your partner as it comes off as looking desperate, a totally unattractive quality to have in a mate.

As much as you love your partner and love being around them all the time, remember that loving them too much and smothering them will only cripple them. And along the way, you’ll end up crippling yourself too.

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Don’t Let Your Partner’s Sexual History Drive a Wedge between You!

Sometimes, you just can’t help but think about your partner’s past sexual exploits. But you can keep those thoughts at bay with these tips. By Eli Walton

Most people have been in a relationship before, and have some sexual history or past partners. This can be hard for people to accept, especially when it’s more than just one person. Men often have fragile egos and try to possess women. Women often have hang-ups about their bodies. And both sexes worry that their sexual performance might leave something to be desired.

There is a lot of baggage that comes up when you think about your partner’s sexual past. Dealing with it and learning to accept it can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. You’ll need to learn to communicate openly with your partner. You’ll need to respect your partner and try not to shame them. And finally, you’ll need to learn to accept that what has happened, happened, and that your future together is more important than what’s in the past. 

The less self-confident you are, the more your partner’s sexual past will eat at you. You’ve got to get over your ego and accept that your significant other is with you because he or she wants to be with you. When you can do this, not only will your relationship improve, but so will your self-confidence. It’s a total win-win, for you and your partner.

Communication is key

As with just about any other aspect of being in a relationship, being able to communicate openly and honestly with your partner is the surest way to overcome any problem. If you are troubled by your partner’s sexual past, the first thing to do is tell them. Be honest, but don’t attack them. Most importantly, stay cool and collected. The worst thing you can do is come off as jealous and neurotic.

No doubt your partner will tell you all of the great qualities about you that they prefer over their ex or exes. You should believe them. The fact that your significant other is with you means they have already moved on. You need to do the same.

Of course, it is possible that your partner’s ex satisfied them more than you do in the bedroom. Their relationship probably ended for reasons that had nothing to do with sex. But dwelling on it, and simply moping about it won’t change anything. If fact, it will only make matters worse.

Once again, communication is the key. Once you can be open and honest with each other about your sex life, you will both find that it immediately improves. Nobody is consigned to be a failure in the bedroom. If you are open to constructive criticism and willing to learn, you can get better and satisfy your partner. Give it time, talk things out, and you’ll soon be satisfying your partner more than the ex ever could. And don’t think about it as practice or a chore. You should enjoy every minute of getting to know your lover’s needs and desires. 

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

When your partner’s past sexual experience is weighing on your mind, a common response is to attack them over it. You must not do this. Shaming your significant other for their sexual past is just about the fastest way to end your relationship. At the very least, it will be extremely hurtful towards them.

When someone can’t accept their partner’s sexual past, it is a reflection on them, not on their partner. If you attack your partner over this, it is not because they did something wrong, but because your own insecurities are preventing you from accepting them for who they are. It is also a sign of immaturity on your part.

Men are more likely than women to do this, although women do it too. It’s crucial to accept that your significant other is your partner, not your property. What they did or did not do sexually before you met is not something you have any right to fault them for. This really just shouldn’t be an issue. You’ve got to accept it and move on. If you truly cannot get over the issue, then find someone whose sexual past is more acceptable to you.

Change the things you can change

Of course, you don’t have to just roll over and accept anything regarding your partner’s sexual past. You can have legitimate grievances that you need to work out. If your significant other mentions an ex often, or compares you to their ex, then you have every right to ask that they not do that. If your partner is shoving it in your face, then of course, their sexual past will get to you.

As mentioned above, another thing you can change is your sexual performance. There may be some area where you are not measuring up to one of your partner’s past lovers, and it can wear heavily on your mind and your ego. But if you can communicate openly together, there’s no reason why you can’t improve your performance and put the ex-lover completely out of your partner’s mind.

Accept the things you cannot change

Once you’ve changed what you can change, you’ve just got to accept the things that you cannot. The past is the past, and there’s no way you can alter it. If your partner is someone you know you want to be with, then you just need to accept them for who they are and for what they’ve done before you came along.

Everybody knows the feeling, and it will eat away at you if you let it. You need to understand that it’s just your ego getting in the way. Your partner left their ex and chose to be with you. He or she is not constantly comparing you to any past lovers, and there’s no reason you need to be doing so either. To dwell on it will only undermine your relationship and destroy your self-confidence.

This is especially true for men who often feel a sort of ownership over women. If your culture or beliefs dictate that you must marry a virgin, well, then that’s what you should do. In that case, don’t date anyone who is not. But if you are a modern gentleman, then you will accept that women can choose their own destiny and you will respect their decisions. A man with poise and self-confidence will never tear down his partner or himself over the unchangeable past. 

Buck up, let go

Letting your partner’s sexual past haunt you is a surefire way to ruin your relationship. The feelings of jealousy, and possibly, inadequacy, are only natural and most people will experience this sometime in their lives. But you’ve got to let it go. Communicate, work to improve yourselves together, and accept that the past cannot be changed. After this, you will overcome your ego and your jealousy and your relationship will prosper.

Don’t let the past destroy the good thing you have going in the present. Whether you choose to talk about it, practice new moves or just ask your partner to quit talking about the ex, you can find a way to keep your partner’s sexual past from haunting you.

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Ways To Love More and Hurt Less In Love

At times, your partner may cause you grief. But if you learn these 10 ways to love more and hurt less, your love life will only get better by the day! By Lianne Choo

I was once in a very toxic relationship, not because of my partner, but because of me. I was the toxic and dangerous one, constantly polluting and poisoning all that was good between us. I was a control freak, always paranoid that he was not loyal and I had to have the last say in everything, be it an argument or a random philosophical discussion.

Obviously things ended, as he could no longer take my selfishness. When I look back on things, he must have really loved me to put up with my crap for so long. He was right in leaving, as no person should have to subject themselves to the hurt and pain inflicted on them by their partner.

His leaving sliced my heart in two, and it took me the longest time to understand why he left. At first, I blamed him for not being strong enough, then one day I had an epiphany and realized that it was I who was not strong enough to be a good person.

The lesson I took away from that tumultuous relationship was that I had to love more and hurt less. Things had to stop being all about me because in the end, a relationship is about two people being happy together.

How to love more and hurt less in love

At the end of the day, loving more and hurting less entails you being less selfish and apathetic when it comes to your partner’s feelings. Always remember that it takes two to clap and neither of you will ever be happy if you keep taking and not giving in return.

Your partner will be drained from all the one-sided effort being put into making the relationship work, so do not be surprised if you find yourself alone one day.

The more effort you put into making your partner happy without compromising the two of you, the more likely your partner will do the same in return. This will lead to a happier and more beneficial relationship for both of you. The key is to embracing the philosophy that calls for loving more and hurting less. Here are some things that you can embrace and practice once you decide to make a change for the better.

#1 Give up control. In your attempt to make your relationship work, you may cling to your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend without even realizing it. The need to control your loved one is a natural response when trying to steer the relationship somewhere you want it to go. Whether it is making it through a difficult financial period together, or learning to forgive each other for the all the nasty fights in the past, trying to control a relationship is normal.

You may have the best intentions in mind, but you have to remember that your attempts to control your loved one is hurting them more than anything else. Love cannot be possessed and it is ridiculous to think that you can own someone’s love. Stop trying to hurt your partner by controlling the flow of the relationship.

#2 Be mindful. You have to always be mindful of your partner’s feelings. You may think that after years together you know how your spouse behaves, but always remember that he or she is a separate being with personal thoughts and feelings. They are not a reflection of you.

Do not assume that you know what your partner wants just because you have been together for a long time. Your loved one is entitled to his or her own opinions, so please be mindful of the things you say and the decisions you make. 

#3 Have an open mind. If you want someone who thinks and behaves exactly as you do, you might as well date yourself. The whole purpose of being in a serious relationship with someone is to fill in the missing pieces and complete yourself. Although there is a high probability that your loved one shares the same goals and outlook on life as you, he or she should also have the freedom to have different opinions, beliefs and viewpoints.

Stop trying to change who they are and accept that they may think differently than you. Whether it is something major like a religious belief, or something small like wanting the living room to be painted eggshell yellow instead of beige, have an open mind and respect your differences, not attack them.

#4 Offer support. Whether it is something life changing like your husband wanting to give up his high powered banking position to be a scuba diving instructor, or something small like accompanying your wife to run errands after work even though both of you are exhausted, offering your partner support is one of the greatest ways of loving more and hurting less.

When you can selflessly prove that you care about someone else’s happiness and peace of mind more than your own, you will find that good things will come back to you and you will be happy.

#5 Say or do something nice daily. You should make an effort to say something nice and appreciative to your partner every day. Even better, couple your sweet words with actions. Whether it is sincerely telling your husband that you love him and appreciate all that he does for the family, or surprising your wife with a homemade chicken pot pie, saying something nice and proving that you mean it is the perfect way of loving more and hurting less.

Always remember that if you can appreciate the gesture, your partner probably will do too. Besides, who can ever get mad at you for serving them breakfast in bed or making an effort to change the sheets without being asked to? 

#6 Listen, don’t act. Sometimes, all it takes to love more is to listen and not react negatively. Instead of throwing a tantrum and blaming your girlfriend for screwing up the dinner reservations, just accept that a mistake was made and get over it. Also, instead of hunting down the colleague who backstabbed your husband at work, just listen to what your husband has to say and offer him moral support in whatever he decides to do next.

You have to give your spouse the freedom to make their own decisions and fix their own mistakes. Be as understanding as you can be by offering them a shoulder to cry on and two ears to listen. Sometimes, the best thing that you can do is to not do anything at all.

#7 Make room for change. Do not be afraid of change. As time goes by, we all grow in ways that we never imagined. The discovery of new experiences is a normal part of being human. Never blame your partner for wanting to do something different. Sure, it may be difficult to adjust to a new routine, but sometimes, change may be just what the doctor ordered. At the very least, you can say that you supported your partner’s decision.

However, only make positive changes. For example, it is fine if your spouse wants a fresh career start and is thinking about moving to a new city. There is nothing wrong with supporting each other in that sense. However, think twice about giving in to your partner if they want to practice an open relationship and sleep around. Think about whether it is something that you can stomach in the long term, if not, sit your partner down and calmly talk about it. 

#8 Be vulnerable. Get off your high horse and stop the incessant need to be right all the time. There is a reason why some couples just cannot make things work. It is because both parties refuse to give in as they think it is a sign of weakness.

Sometimes, you just have to be the bigger person in an argument. There is nothing wrong with showing your vulnerability and admitting that you are wrong. It proves that you are human and contrary to what you may believe, your partner will love you more than ever before. 

#9 Share more. Another way to love more and hurt less is to communicate freely. Do not keep things from your partner. Rather, share your hopes, dreams and faults with them, no matter how unbelievable it may seem. When you open up the channels of communication, you will encourage your partner to do the same. This will result in an open and honest relationship, unmarred by lies and exaggerations. Just be the best version of yourself and everything will fall into place.

#10 Forgive. People make mistakes and your partner is no exception. You have to learn to let go of pent up anger and forgive your spouse. Whether it is something silly like not giving him hell for forgetting to pick up eggs on his way home, or something more serious like learning to forgive her for sleeping with her ex, forgiveness is the key to a happy relationship.

If you find that you cannot forgive your partner for wronging you, then you have to make the decision to leave because at the end of the day, you will both be unhappy. However, do not let your unhappiness stop you from trying as hard as you can to make things right.

Being in a relationship is a learning experience and if you have the misfortune of not being able to make it work, look at it as a lesson learned. In the end, loving more and hurting less is not that difficult to do.

Always remember to put your loved one first, and to only get upset after you have put yourself in their shoes. Sometimes, things just happen for no reason and you have to rise above it all to maintain a happy and healthy relationship.

Learning to love more and hurt less in love isn’t about keeping count of who’s winning or who’s at a bigger advantage, it’s about learning to see your relationship from your lover’s eyes, and letting them know that you still care.

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